The Joy of Unknowing
The story of Ebenezer Scrooge is a powerful one! It is a story of pain and suffering. It is a story of atonement and redemption. And it is also a story in the power of unknowing.
Scrooge became a bitter man through his learning and interpretation of the world and its events which blinded him to love. His demeanor grew cold and miserly and affected not only him but all of those who were in his sphere of influence. The ghosts of Christmas' past, present and future change him in the night. This awakening sets him free.
I can relate to Scrooge in my own journey. My interpretations to the events in my life led me into isolation, confusion and at best chaos. The choices I made for self-preservation and equally for self-destruction caused my heart to become cold and miserly, only letting in those who I thought might be a means to an end of suffering not understanding all along that the suffering was mine and mine alone. I was reliving the stories, consciously and unconsciously, over and over again, alienating anyone who loved me believing all sorts of ill-fated ideas like I was undeserving of love and it's just better to be alone. Until the ghosts appeared for me I was doomed to live that life of isolation and despair.
The way the ghosts appear is of no consequence, what matters is that I had reached a point in which I didn't know anything any more. I didn't feel anything any more. I didn't even feel my pain anymore because I had grown so numb. Then I finally surrendered. I asked God to remove my judgements and to lead me. Three days later I received guidance. It wasn't in the form of a ghost, I don't think, but it was clear direction, "This is where you start!". I heard those words without any judgement, without any knowing.
That morning was just like so many morning previous, counting beer cans in the sink. See, I was very good at pointing out the flaws in everyone around me, I was always keeping tabs on how much my husband was drinking, I even used my own amount to discuss with him his. This morning was no different but then it was. This experience was mostly indescribable as it was truly spiritual for me. What I can say is that it opened the door for me to begin to unlearn what I knew and believed about myself, my life, my thinking.
The people I have met on my journey toward atonement and redemption are much like Scrooge's nephew Fred, who despite reasons mentioned above still believes that underneath his demeanor his uncle was still good at his core. "He's a comical old fellow...and not so pleasant as he might be. However, his offences carry their own punishment...I am sorry for him; I couldn't be angry with him if I tried." POWERFUL STUFF! The power of the truth. And the truth shall set you free....
It starts with surrender.